Tomaz

When smacked out of his gourd, Keith Richards was a great believer in tomaz.

Keef’ll do it tomaz.

The Twitter ne’er-do-well’s term for tomorrow, that gilded fantasy realm in which you always imagine yourself getting a better job, finding butterfly-stomached true love, starting your voice-of-a-generation novel, or simply attending one of the pilates classes you booked on Groupon back in 2010. (And those have long since expired. Yes, bad things do happen to good people.)

When not being used to make plans of the “I’ll you see you tomaz at 8:30” variety, this abbrev, like the Merriam-Webster-approved word it was ripped bodily from, is an excuse, a get-out-of-jail-free card, a talisman we wave at the world in a futile attempt to ward off the po-faced spectre of our regrets, broken promises and lack of accomplishments. You’ll call her tomaz, you’ll trim the hedge tomaz, you swear you’ll start the diet tomaz – etcetera. Until one day, it’s too late and you die regretting everything, pleading to the cruel Gods above for more time. Which is something to look forward to.

“I’m going to sort my life out tomaz, deffo.”

 

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