Kristen Stewart. KStew. Bath. Emerge. Emergency.

Once again, overeager Twilight fans had discovered which hotel KStew was staying in. It was totes an emerge.

Not what a butterfly does when first wriggling free of its chrysalis, or the Fischerspooner song that invented electroclash way back in 2001, when the iPhone was still just a twinkle in Steve Jobs’s eye – those are the old kind of emerge; the “actual” word you can look up in a “proper” dictionary. But knowing actual words from proper dictionaries isn’t going to help you decipher all the abbrev-balled hashtaggery in your Tweetdeck feeds, is it?

Emerge’s Jekyll-and-Hyde alter-ego looks the same and sounds the same, but in a totes-ridic context is short for emergency. Granted, the kind of crisis the term refers to is more likely to require a friend to call your mobile halfway through a blind date and provide a wholly unbelievable excuse – burning house! dead grandmother! – for you to get the hell out of there, rather than warrant the deployment of a fleet of ambulances and necessitate lifelong counseling.

If, for example, you overdo the carbs before a beach holiday, or accidentally enter the name of someone you’re trying to Facebook-stalk as your latest status update, you are totes in the midst of an emerge and should deffo start drinking NOW.

“OMG! She’s wearing the same dress as me. Retreat! Retreat! This is totes an emerge!”

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