Soz. Sorry. Bart Simpson. Apologising to Australia.

Bart Simpson’s apology to Australia came straight from the arse.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that when people say sorry, they often don’t really mean it, but are merely paying lip-service to good manners, conventional morality, and all the other tedious hoops one is required to jump through in order to be perceived as a functional member of society.

If someone apologises by saying soz, however, they’re essentially rolling their eyes, playing with their hair, idly chewing gum, and probably planning to raise two fingers in your direction the moment your back is turned. Further evidence of this abbreviation’s pathological insincerity can be seen in the fact that any given soz hurled into the void of Twitter or Facebook is statistically highly likely to be preceded or followed by a lol. For example, “Sum1 just dropped there iphone on the train track LOL soz,” or: “Never tidying my room again. Soz mum lol.”

Soz is sorry stripped of its eloquence, presentability and long-term job prospects. It will most likely die in the gutter, shaking its fist at the sky and ranting about how it coulda been a contender. Frankly, it’s inadvisable to use soz in any context other than when you’re writing a tweet or text and are on the verge of tearing your character limit a new arsehole. (And even then, you should probably hate yourself for it. Soz.)

“Remember how you stole my boyfriend back in high school? Well, I just slept with your husband. Soz.”  

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