Kate Moss. Nude. Naked.

Kate Moss. Got nekkid. Inherited the earth.

Nekkid achieves the remarkable feat of making nudity sound really annoying, rather than something that ninety percent of all internet useage is devoted to the viewing of. If you asked a toddler or someone tripping their nuts off on ketamine to spell the word that best describes what Michael Fassbender so often gets onscreen, this is what they’d write.

Offering neither abbreviation nor simplification, nekkid is a reversion to the primordial sludge from which naked finally emerged. On social media, it’s what people want to look at and look good as; it is the state in which we all entered this world and usually enter the shower; it is the source of much of humankind’s desire and despair.

If ever Appletinis and crushing loneliness drive you to send someone a nekkid picture of yourself, don’t, whatever you do, embark upon a political career. This is a well-travelled path – one which inevitably ends with the individual in question becoming the National Enquirer ’s bitch-slave.

“When I want a guy to love and respect me for who I am, I just get nekkid.”

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