Totes

Totes. Totally. Daniel Day-Lewis. Abraham Lincoln.

Totes inhabiting the character, babes.

Totes is essentially the President of the United Abbreviations; the Abraham Lincoln of internet slang. When Hollywood finally comes to tell the totes story, the abbrev will be portrayed by Daniel Day-Lewis, who’ll subsequently accept his nineteenth best actor Oscar by delivering a one-word speech: “MEGALOLZ.”

But seriously, during the Twitter Revolution of 2008, the adverb totally was one of the first words to die for its beliefs, approaching the guillotine with dignity and resolve, willing to sacrifice itself in the name of progress and mankind’s ability to save a few precious seconds here and there whilst typing. When they pulled its twitching head out of the basket, that head was totes.

Teenage girls love totes, as do the online multitudes who aren’t teenage girls but find it amusing to “ironically” talk or tweet like teenage girls. It’s a most versatile abbrev that can rise to many occasions: you’ll totes be there, you totes love it, you totes hate him and that skanky whore he’s been running around with, you’ll totes be BFFs until the apocalypse comes (an extinction level event possibly to be heralded by one of Russell Crowe’s exquisitely voiced solos from Les Mis).

“Her profile pic is totes fugly.”

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